We are constantly going through changes. Some philosophers think that we are never the same person at any given moment! We are always meeting new people, experiencing new things, losing or gaining things, and I think these all have an affect on how we see each other, the world, and ourselves.
When it comes to organizing, changes in life like moving, getting separated, welcoming a new baby, and grieving the loss of someone all affect our perspective on the people around us, but also our relationship with our STUFF.
When we go through life changes, everything changes.
If you’re expecting a new baby, things that seemed important when you were childless become completely irrelevant and potentially dangerous to this new life. You have to store your collection of tiny Legos somewhere out of reach, or donate some craft supplies because you need the room to be a nursery now, and when are you going to have time to craft anyway?
When you separate from someone you’ve lived with for over a decade, gifts that they had given you over the years are not going to get put on display (or kept at all). Things get divided up, discarded and passed on, depending on who bought them originally and their relevance in this new stage of life. One, or both, of you will be moving to different spaces where everything will be different.
Grief is a huge factor for our relationship with physical objects. And this doesn’t necessarily have to be grieving the loss of someone’s life, but could be the loss of a job, a relationship, or a stage of your life.
When we grieve, we want to hang on to whatever was lost. We may collect all of the relevant objects together and create a shrine of sorts, to keep the memory alive. We may hide all of it away because we know that if we see those items we will destroy them out of anger. All reactions to grief are valid.
Photo by Jigsaw Organizing Solutions
My belief is that we should take our time when grieving, and not feel like we have to deal with those physical objects by a certain due date, or at a certain pace (if possible of course). I think it’s more damaging to declutter quickly and then have regrets later on, and if they are not negatively affecting your life, then they should be left for later.
I think it is most valuable to approach those physical objects that may trigger a response in you at a time of your choosing. When you have the ability to go into a box and look through photos and other mementos, rather than stumbling across something accidentally, it will be less triggering. When you choose to approach something, you can mentally prepare yourself and plan out your day to deal with the emotional response. If you’re able to go through these items with a friend or family member, that could be very helpful too.
A relative’s clip on earrings - I ended up making some of them into fridge magnets! Photo by Jigsaw Organizing Solutions.
Get creative when you want to keep physical objects, but don’t have the space to keep EVERYTHING. I’ve written a blog on this subject: Repurposing Cherished Items
Do what works for you, at your own pace, and within your time/space constraints. Don’t let physical items take over your life and your space, but also allow yourself to grieve properly.
And reach out if you need help. Lots of love this holiday season!
